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Sunday, July 18, 2010

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..............


Ever notice how things seems worse in about every way possible when you are really tired.

There is that old song that says:
When you're smiling
When you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you

When you're laughing
When you're laughing
The sun comes shining through

But when you're crying
You bring on the rain
So stop your sighing
Be happy again

Keep on smiling
Cause when you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you

I think they should add another verse to that song:
When you're tired
When you're tired
The whole world should be wary

When you're tired
When you're tired
You should just take a nap

So, stop your fussing
Stop your fussing
Stay away from others now

And then when you smile again, the whole world will smile toooooooo!


I'm just saying--I need a really, really long nap!

Friday, July 16, 2010

I keep learning...

I have a tendency to belabor a point. If not outwardly then inwardly. I mean, sometimes I mull over an issue or concern, well--if you’ll pardon the expression, ad nauseam. I have learned this about myself over time and with the previous help of my dear, departed husband who was the usual recipient of my repetitious musings. What I have not really accepted is why I do this or what to do about it. But I want to learn and keep learning.

I know I have vacillated over the years between seeing this "mulling over" as a positive character quality instilled by the Lord and as a negative trait used by the enemy of my soul to distract and defeat me. Truth is, like most things, it can be both. A wise woman (Ava Morris) once taught in our “Ladies Only” morning Bible study group, “balance is a key concept in our Christian walk.” She was speaking truth!

When I was growing up, my mother was especially good about imparting lessons to me based on the Bible. I do not carry with me any lingering feelings of being banged over the head with the Word, so I think she did an amazingly good job of gently putting out there in the most natural way the question, “What would Jesus Do” long before WWJD bracelets and bumper stickers were popular.

Those childhood teachings included Bible stories about persistence in prayer and free access to the throne of God to place before Jesus my every concern. They also included all the comforting words about the peace that passes all understanding as well as the harder words about loving your enemies and forgiveness 70 times 7.

As a young adult with small children, I listened to preaching on being an “Eagle” before the Lord, allowing myself to seek Him with upturned face and hands, soaring high in spirit to embrace His love for me fully rather than approaching the Lord as a mostly earth-bound “Turkey” always looking downward. I also heard sermons that told me repetitious prayers uttered over the same concerns and issues indicated lack of faith and trust in my Lord’s desire and ability to provide what was best for me or to meet my true needs. I remember the example used during that sermon was one of a little boy asking his mother over and over if she would make a lemon pie for him even after his mother had promised that she would indeed make the pie at a later time.

I have arrived at this point in my life with two lines of thought running through my mind. One line of thought is that I AM kind of a “turkey” because I am after all still earthbound. I await the glory of my heavenly body and all that will mean. I have to keep coming to Jesus, sharing my concerns and needs over and over even if I’ve already shared them before because that is what is on my mind and in my heart. The other line of thought is that I do have the Holy Spirit in me and I know I can soar like that eagle, mounting up with vigor and energy. I can trust Him to care for me. I do not want to exhibit lack of faith by lamenting before the Lord over the same concerns I’ve already given to Him.

I think I have been confused and perhaps even constrained as these two lines of thought have during the years crossed over, under and around one another in my mind. I sort of developed a mental dilemma as my focus subtly shifted from Jesus to me. From that dilemma, I have developed the tendency to mentally ponder, consider and deliberate.

What I am beginning to see is that a lot of my pondering, considering, deliberating and mulling is nothing more than worry. I’ve just never admitted that before. I worry. Perhaps I should stand like those in an AA meeting and admit this fact. “Hi. I’m Pam. I’m a big-time worrier.” How is it that someone who loves the Lord as much as I do, someone who believes and has seen His gracious love and care so evident in and around me can so easily step onto the worry path so often? I do not have all the answers to that question, but one thing I am starting to realize is that how I understand prayer will make a difference in how I recognize worry.

Prayer is not about doing something a certain way to prove a certain "correct" attitude. Prayer is not about how I look to anyone not even Jesus. Prayer is not about getting it right, having everything in proper order, or following any formula. Prayer is not about pulling out one part of the Bible and calling it “the best way to pray” or "the wrong way to pray."

Prayer is as distinctive as every single person’s own finger print. Yet, I think, prayer is also as universal as the concept of love. Prayer is my relationship to God through Jesus. Prayer is always there. Prayer is the way to keep my relationship to God as fresh and as full as He offers it to be. How I pray, when I pray and maybe even why I pray will be ever changing. It will be filled with nuances of love, need and no doubt, many other things that again, I do not even understand.

I am small in comparison to the Almighty God who created me. I AM indeed earth bound in body and that holds a myriad of joys and woes which Jesus totally understands. He is more than able to bear my infirmities and embrace my ecstasies with total understanding of the deepest issues and needs, many of which I may know nothing even though they are about me. I want to be with Him in everything. I do not want to hold back. But even when I slip into worry rather than prayer, He is on that path walking with me, offering the immediate, most accurate “map quest” directions to get from worry to prayer.

I choose to reaffirm in my mind and heart today at the deepest level of my being that even when my words to Him are not expressions of total trust, my feelings are not faith-filled, and my concerns replay in my mind causing me to need His reassurance, He is ever-present to listen and talk with me. I choose to believe that He is well-pleased about the most important thing—that I am His, and I am continuing to learn to seek Him above anything else.