Is there anyone else out there that gets confused about their feelings regarding the whole “life is stressful” thing? There are volumes of books about time and stress and managing it all. What bothers me most about my feelings around these issues are that they seem in total opposition to the way I want to live my life. I have felt the Lord encouraging me to be as fully present as possible in each moment ever since Brad died. Days full of stuff and nights of exhaustion (physical/mental) seem so counter-productive to “fully present” living. I really struggle with this.
There are times when we have to face a situation and plow through. Plow through? How do I interpret that? Well--put the old motor in gear and keep moving. Push on. Focus on the day. Energy directed into the required tasks of the moment. Nose to the grindstone and all that. As a current TV funny man says, “Getter done!” That is my way. Oh, I pray for guidance sometimes. I read the Word nearly every day. I even ask for help from others, but I am often unsettled. What is going on inside my heart?
These periods of “push” are not my favorite. I resent them. I DO feel a sense of accomplishment once I have moved past the crunch, but I do not thrive on prolonged levels of high activity. I feel somehow robbed when I arrive on the other side of a period of time that has had me whirling like Tazz from the old cartoon. It is then, on the other side, I realize that with my head down, nose to the grindstone and plowing through, I have forgotten to live in the moment of it all. It is as if I hold my breath waiting for “it” to be over so I can actually start to live again. How foolish of me. I am going to miss half my life if I keep this up, and that is the whole point of learning from Brad’s death. “Live in the moments of life, Pam, whatever those moments may hold,” the Lord has told me.
A friend of mine once shared a thought with me-sort of a little story, and the Lord continues to use this to help me with my struggle to live EACH moment and day and event as PART of my whole life. He brought this little story to my mind again this morning, and it begins with trash.
Everyone has trash. I am not speaking in metaphors. I am talking about actual trash that has to be taken to the curb, dumpster, pit or burning barrel. Everyone has to get rid of the trash at some point during the week or there will be problems. This is true worldwide for every tribe, nation, and people.
Now here is the little story. A wife has to listen every week to a husband who has a little mini-fit every time he has to take the trash to the curb at their house. More energy is expended in his fit about taking the trash to the curb than the energy required to actually carry the trash out. Sometimes the husband convinces himself that he should not have to take the trash to the curb. The trash piles up or someone else (the wife) has to handle it. The wife wants very much to say to the husband what she actually said to me. Its classic: “It’s just trash, man. Get over it! Trash is not the worlds, the kids, or my attempt to mess up your life. It’s trash. Take it to the curb and get on with your day!”
Everyone has the stuff of life with which to deal. I am not unique in this. This world is not my home, but while I am here, I do not want to spend my days resenting life but rather living it. I want to live as Paul said in Philippinas 4:11! “Father, help me to adjust my hearts attitude and to ‘Just take the trash out and get on with the day’ you have given me!” I need help for this.
